Ooh, good answer!

As you probably know, I'm not voting Republican in 2008. But if I were to do so, well, I have to confess I heart Huckabee (that is, Republican Presidential Nominee candidate and Governor of Arkansas Michael D. "Mike" Huckabee). First of all, he seems to have more character and integrity in his little finger than the other GOP candidates could find with two hands and a flashlight; plus, he retains the added bonus of not being bat-shit crazy, as most of them are. Oh, we'd probably have a rousing debate on policy, Mike and I, but at least I know it would end with prayer and a salad instead of a wiretap and rendition.

But the election aside, I want you to hear what Mike said at the CNN/YouTube debate the other night in answer to the question if the candidate believes the Bible to be the literal truth, every word. Mike used to be a Baptist preacher and actually holds a theological master's degree, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at what a brilliant, thoughtful, and insightful answer he gives now. As a former Southern Baptist myself, I often cringe at how the divisions between left & right, red & blue, have manifested themselves as a fight between the faithful and the secular. And just like Texans, when the media gets a quote from a Christian, they usually sound crazy and right-wing. Sadly, Mike hasn't been much of an exception: I don't know if there was a turning point in his life but many sources like Wikipedia insist that he believes in biblical inerrancy (that the Bible contains nothing untrue, which may actually be argued as not the same thing as everything in the Bible being literally true, but that's for another post) and Mike's reputation for such things would put him in the Scary Christians camp for many voters.

But, you're still waiting for the money quote, right? Well, it's almost here. One more thing: if you're a Christian and you're not so obtuse as to believe every literal word of the Bible as being completely literally true, then print out this quote and put it on your fridge or cubicle. People have got to learn that Christians aren't crazy (or at least, that's not why). Ready?

"'Love your neighbor as yourself,' and 'As much as you've done it to the least of these brethren, you've done it unto me,'" Huckabee said. "Until we get those simple, real easy things right, I'm not sure we ought to spend a whole lot of time fighting over the other parts that are a little bit complicated. And as the only person here on the stage with a theology degree, there are parts of it I don't fully comprehend and understand, because the Bible is a revelation of an infinite God, and no finite person is ever going to fully understand it. If they do, their God is too small."

Ooh, thank you Mike! Not only did he answer the question beautifully, but he taught us a good lesson too. First, he says let's stop this petty gay-marriage-scare and all that and work on loving our neighbor (hello, Gulf Coast!) and caring for our fellow man (hello, SCHIP!) and I would add "turn the other cheek" (hello, diplomacy!) and until the day when each of us win a Nobel Peace Prize, we should stop worrying so much about these theological points of debate. Right on!!!!

Second, he said something really profound about the Bible issue. Some of my readers aren't Christian and may find this debate pedantic (it is) and obvious (it is), but here's the thing: for those of us with Judeo/Christian faith, the Bible is a guidebook for living, not in the parts that say, "Do this," or "Don't do that", but in the story parts. The parts where we think about Elijah dropping in on some poor woman trying to feed herself and her kid and he demands she use the last of her food to feed him first and then herself and her kid, and she does, and the food never runs out. What must the woman have thought when this stranger showed up at her door? Why does she say yes to feeding him before her son? Why does Elijah demand this of her in this way? What situation in my life is this similar to? What does the story tell me is the right thing to do? I have a friend who recently after a series of failures and missteps (with good intentions) found herself a single mom with $120 in the bank. The IRS, to whom she owes a few thousand (part of her not-so-great life), seized all the money. Like the widow Elijah meets, my friend had no choice but to give up her last $120 to the government instead of using it to care for her son. I'm not attacking the IRS here, but rather, I can imagine my friend turning to the Bible for comfort, and finding this story. The last of the widow's oil and grain was just like my friend's $120. Elijah's intractable attitude on the subject is like the IRS' immovability. But what my friend might draw hope from was that even when your last morsel of food or your last $120 is taken from you, it will still work out. God won't let that be the end of you, there is hope! And for my friend, getting on a payment plan and out of collections with the IRS was actually a step on the road to recovery for her whole life, so in the end, she too found hope.

Some people talk about the Bible being allegorical or literal. Allegorical would mean that the Elijah story never happened, but is merely there to illustrate a point, while literal would mean that it happened in history just as it says. But as I see it, "allegorical" for me means that I turn these stories into allegories that speak to my life whether they happened or not. Who cares if there was a real woman with a real bottle of oil? Who cares if Elijah was a spiritual prophet or a technical man? (Go back and read Elijah's whole story in Kings and tell me if you don't end up thinking he's a time traveler. It's totally eerie.) What's most important is, "How am I going to get through the end of the month with my last $120 gone?" and for that, you're going to make an allegory to your own life anyway, so who cares if it's literal or not?

Plus, if you're saying it's totally literal, then you're saying that it is a record of historical events that stands on its own whether it has meaning for anyone or not, which seems to undermine the point of the Bible. We can read the Constitution, for example, and if we just think of it as a description of the lives our founding fathers and the rules they made up for themselves in their point in history, then we can't apply it to today, and what would be the point of that?

Lastly, and I'm just piggybacking my own thought onto Mike's here, is that even if you thought the Bible was literally word-for-word true, we don't have the whole story. Looking back at the Elijah/widow story, we don't really know what he said to her (surely there were a few more words than, "Fetch me...", how about hello, where'd you come from, cute kid you got there, etc.) or what she said to him (she doesn't have any lines in the story, was she mute? had lockjaw? cat had her tongue? we don't know), or other details. There are a very few sentences that describe this story, and so that can't be all there is to it. So therefore if it's not the whole story then even if it is literally true, it's still not the whole truth, and one is then left to ponder, imagine, fill in blanks-- and what has happened then to your certainty in "truth"?

Same goes for the technical rules contained in the Bible. BTW, for those of you who aren't Christians, the deal is supposed to be that Jesus make a New Deal with us (the new "covenant" or "testament") that superseded all the old rules about animal sacrifices and stonings and hair lengths. So please stop asking Christians who take the Bible literally whether they think people should be stoned to death or follow other arcane practices; even if they took that literally, Jesus shook our hand on a new pact and we don't have to listen to those old rules anymore anyway. That should be a question saved for Jews, who you could say didn't shake on the new deal and are still following the old one. They're the ones who have to answer for all that, and most of them aren't taking it literally anyway, so, debate over.

But in any case, let's say it says (sorry, I don't want to take the time to look up a real one) to stone a guy if he sleeps with his brother's wife. A technical rule, and one that would have been possible to carry out because at the time it would have been legal and presumably customary. Nowadays, that would be first degree murder, so following Christ's admonishment that we "render unto Caesar what is Caesar's" (follow civil laws), we know we couldn't stone anyone for any reason in modern America. So we have to look at it allegorically, that is, what this is saying to us is that sleeping with your brother's wife is seriously bad, and worthy of getting the smackdown from your friends and neighbors. So even tho this example is Old Testament (and we Christians aren't expected to follow it), I would say that it's telling me that I should cut this guy out of my life and stop being his friend until he ends the affair and starts living an honest life. Cutting him out of my life is the equivalent of "killing" him, and since I can't really kill him, that's the only option left open to me. Whew! I need to stop saying "I" in this example! I wouldn't do either, because of course Jesus said to turn the other cheek and not judge, but you get the point.

Boy, I really thought this was going to be a short post today! Let me just wrap up on the last bit of what Huckabee said:

Leaving aside the allegorical/literal debate, what Mike said at the end was that there is no end to the mind of God, and if this Bible is his revelation to us, then there is no end to it.

I'm a big Shakespeare freak, and what I find so cool about Shakes is that no matter what we descendants invent (19th century realism, 20th century "method" acting, 21st century rap), when we look back at Shakespeare, it's in there. This is much like what Mike was saying about the Bible, that it continuously reveals itself to us, which is a phenomenon that by definition expands beyond the debate of literal or allegorical.

Oh, Mike. Now if only you held progressive political ideals, my love for you could be complete...

A Fly on the Pearly Gates

Well, it's finally happened. Jerry Falwell is dead.

In church we used to say that when someone died, "Jesus called him home," as if that were a sweet and gentle thing. Something tells me this time it sounded more like, "Jerry! Get your ass back here! What in the world have you been doing in My name? Get in here right now, young man! We need to talk about your future..."

Wow, I mean... Wouldn't you just like to be there when Jesus looks at him and says, "What part of love your neighbor didn't you get? Why did you have to be so mean and judgemental? Don't you see the pain you caused in many lives? The ignorance and intolerance you fostered? Did you think I gave you all these gifts and my Message just for that? Oh, Jerry..."

But, being Jesus, He would of course end this in a hug. Perhaps a hug right before handing Jerry his bus ticket to Hell, but a hug nonetheless...

I'm sorry, I suppose I could do better than speculate on the man's afterlife using the Christian paradigm, which is not much more than post-life gossip. It's just that I found Mr. Falwell to be easy to dismiss as insane when he was alive (possibly dangerous to our society, though we seemed to do just fine despite him), but always felt like the real action would come when he met the God he was claiming to represent.

I wonder, what will John McCain do now? He spent all that time sucking up to the all-powerful Falwell, does he say, "Whew, I don't have to worry about Falwell's support or lack thereof any more, what a relief!" or does he continue to cowtow to the organization "left behind" (pardon the pun)?

Despite my dancing on his grave, let me just point out, I'm not happy he's dead. Guys like this are much more fun to have around alive. And when they're dead, they become saints (like Reagan at the GOP debate last week) and people put all kinds of words in their mouths and do things in their names. (Like Falwell did to Christ, so there's justice, I guess.) Much easier to fight the real live idiot than the minions who spring up and deify him.

Well, Jerry, I normally would say "Rest in Peace" but this time I think "Good Luck" might be more appropriate.

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Update: A poster asked what Larry Flint thought, and so I'm including press releases from him and soon others.

Larry Flint:
"The Reverend Jerry Falwell and I were arch enemies for fifteen years. We became involved in a lawsuit concerning First Amendment rights and Hustler magazine. Without question, this was my most important battle – the l988 Hustler Magazine, Inc., v. Jerry Falwell case, where after millions of dollars and much deliberation, the Supreme Court unanimously ruled in my favor.
My mother always told me that no matter how much you dislike a person, when you meet them face to face you will find characteristics about them that you like. Jerry Falwell was a perfect example of that. I hated everything he stood for, but after meeting him in person, years after the trial, Jerry Falwell and I became good friends. He would visit me in California and we would debate together on college campuses. I always appreciated his sincerity even though I knew what he was selling and he knew what I was selling.
The most important result of our relationship was the landmark decision from the Supreme Court that made parody protected speech, and the fact that much of what we see on television and hear on the radio today is a direct result of my having won that now famous case which Falwell played such an important role in."

Tammy Faye Messner (calling in on Larry King Live):
"...And when he said Jerry had died, I just broke into tears... I think I wish we could have cleared everything up. I wanted to talk to him and settle him -- and settle things with him. And I tried to do it many times and I tried to do it nicely. And I wanted just so badly to just give him a hug and say, hey, you know, it's all right. It's OK. We're all human. We all make mistakes. Let's just start over again and -- and go forward from here.
Yesterday is yesterday. Today is today."