A Fly on the Pearly Gates

Well, it's finally happened. Jerry Falwell is dead.

In church we used to say that when someone died, "Jesus called him home," as if that were a sweet and gentle thing. Something tells me this time it sounded more like, "Jerry! Get your ass back here! What in the world have you been doing in My name? Get in here right now, young man! We need to talk about your future..."

Wow, I mean... Wouldn't you just like to be there when Jesus looks at him and says, "What part of love your neighbor didn't you get? Why did you have to be so mean and judgemental? Don't you see the pain you caused in many lives? The ignorance and intolerance you fostered? Did you think I gave you all these gifts and my Message just for that? Oh, Jerry..."

But, being Jesus, He would of course end this in a hug. Perhaps a hug right before handing Jerry his bus ticket to Hell, but a hug nonetheless...

I'm sorry, I suppose I could do better than speculate on the man's afterlife using the Christian paradigm, which is not much more than post-life gossip. It's just that I found Mr. Falwell to be easy to dismiss as insane when he was alive (possibly dangerous to our society, though we seemed to do just fine despite him), but always felt like the real action would come when he met the God he was claiming to represent.

I wonder, what will John McCain do now? He spent all that time sucking up to the all-powerful Falwell, does he say, "Whew, I don't have to worry about Falwell's support or lack thereof any more, what a relief!" or does he continue to cowtow to the organization "left behind" (pardon the pun)?

Despite my dancing on his grave, let me just point out, I'm not happy he's dead. Guys like this are much more fun to have around alive. And when they're dead, they become saints (like Reagan at the GOP debate last week) and people put all kinds of words in their mouths and do things in their names. (Like Falwell did to Christ, so there's justice, I guess.) Much easier to fight the real live idiot than the minions who spring up and deify him.

Well, Jerry, I normally would say "Rest in Peace" but this time I think "Good Luck" might be more appropriate.

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Update: A poster asked what Larry Flint thought, and so I'm including press releases from him and soon others.

Larry Flint:
"The Reverend Jerry Falwell and I were arch enemies for fifteen years. We became involved in a lawsuit concerning First Amendment rights and Hustler magazine. Without question, this was my most important battle – the l988 Hustler Magazine, Inc., v. Jerry Falwell case, where after millions of dollars and much deliberation, the Supreme Court unanimously ruled in my favor.
My mother always told me that no matter how much you dislike a person, when you meet them face to face you will find characteristics about them that you like. Jerry Falwell was a perfect example of that. I hated everything he stood for, but after meeting him in person, years after the trial, Jerry Falwell and I became good friends. He would visit me in California and we would debate together on college campuses. I always appreciated his sincerity even though I knew what he was selling and he knew what I was selling.
The most important result of our relationship was the landmark decision from the Supreme Court that made parody protected speech, and the fact that much of what we see on television and hear on the radio today is a direct result of my having won that now famous case which Falwell played such an important role in."

Tammy Faye Messner (calling in on Larry King Live):
"...And when he said Jerry had died, I just broke into tears... I think I wish we could have cleared everything up. I wanted to talk to him and settle him -- and settle things with him. And I tried to do it many times and I tried to do it nicely. And I wanted just so badly to just give him a hug and say, hey, you know, it's all right. It's OK. We're all human. We all make mistakes. Let's just start over again and -- and go forward from here.
Yesterday is yesterday. Today is today."